After some time this month sees the welcome return of famed artist and self styled ‘Russian Imitationist’ Donald Donald Donaldson. Having spent the larger part of his life embroiled in one enormous project – to lead an improved version of the life of Tolstoy – Donaldson has finally declared that piece “done… thank god”. However, at 93 (‘eleven better than Tolstoy’) the artist is still proving to be no slouch. Using some of the vast fortune he has accumulated from the sales of his world-uniting novel Peace & War, Donaldson now intends to throw one almighty party – Communist style! Of course, things are never quite as they seem with this brilliant yet most controversial of artists, for Donaldson intends this to be a gala event that no-one ever forgets.
In a press conference this morning he gave the following statement: “A man does not live to be 93 years old without learning a few things. And some of the things I have learned relate to the reanimation of deceased human corpses. So it seems only natural to me that, having finished off old Tolstoy pretty easily, it’s time to see what the Communist era has to offer. To that end, I have applied for planning permission to start reviving former party members immediately, with the intention of digging up select members of the intelligentsia at a later stage, for use in my celebratory Gala Evening. Given that this basically what the Communist era was always building up to, this project is currently entitled – Let Us Fulfil The Plan Of The Great Projects. Or LUFPOF-GP.”
Pressed for further details of who he hoped to bring on board for this project, and in what capacity we might expect to see them, the artist would only say that he intended it to be a marvellous affair, with “pretty dresses, cocktail glasses, and lots of haircuts”, but other than that he didn’t want to name names. He then went on to state that “if all goes to plan, Trotsky will be doing a fashion show. That’s a must see. Especially with Osip Mandlstam MCing. Very funny. There will also be theatrical performances, with Stalin performing some of his favourite scenes from ‘The Days of the Turbins’; I’m actually warming Bulgakov up already to do some rewrites on that one. Akhmatova will run the raffle, of course. Oh, and I’d thought about getting Lenin to do some break-dancing but I’m not so sure. Do you think that’s too chintzy?” Of course we don’t!
While the usual nay-sayers have again branded this new work ‘insane witchery’, tickets for LUFPOF-GP go on sale next week. We expect we’ll see you in the queue.
I want a ticket!
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