Untimely #5 - Gitmo

Upon arrival detainees are initially held in Camp 3. Immediately detainees undergo a process of preliminary interrogation to determine in which camp they will be held subsequently. The six camps are characterized by different amenities and levels of comfort.

In general detainees who are compliant are allowed certain luxury items such as thermal clothing, writing apparatus and library privileges. One detainee – a poet – told his representative that it was impossible to write, as pens and pencils were permitted for short periods only.

Consistent positive behaviour may allow detainees to progress to Camp 4. Camp 4 allows those detainees who pose no disciplinary problems to congregate freely. Unlike Camp 3, there is no ‘giant noise machine [generator?]’ or the constant tramping of guards’ boots to prohibit communication. Detainees are held in 10-cot bunkhouses with communal areas for meals, recreation and prayer. There is a sports field and movies are often shown as entertainment.

The department explains that detainees may be placed in Camp 5 or 6 as a result of persistent misconduct such as launching ‘concoctions’ of faeces and urine at the guards, head-butting guards or staging protests of some form. The department employs a comprehensive ‘screening process’ in which multiple staff provide data on individual detainees. Cells in Camps 5 and 6 are designed xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx with xxxxxxxxxxxx windows and xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx doors. Recreation is allowed xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx and meals are provided xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

At all stages of interrogation and screening the department seeks to ascertain detainees’ responses to the question ‘What does xxx mean, xxxxxxx?’ Responses serve as a constructive indicator of a detainee’s compliance and well-being and, in turn, as a determinant of detainee placement within the suite of camp facilities. Responses include:

“xxxxxxhood.”

“xxxxxxxxxxxx x xxx xxxx xxxxxx xxx xxxxxx foliage.”

“The xxxxxxxxxx of circles.”

“Space xxxxxx!”

“Disorder… and xxxxxx. Often they are the same thing!”

“Really, really very good xxxx.”

“Winning xxx xxxxx xxx.”

“Inflatables.”

“It’s just a word.”

[Each of these detainees was placed in Camp 5.]

Untimely #5 - Joy's Grape

Well son, you see joy is like - it's like you have this grape, yeah? You take a grape, maybe like a nice fat grape so purple it's almost black. You take it and you put it on your tongue and you push it up against the back of your front teeth right up by the roof of your mouth feeling the chalky skin bitter against the tip of your tongue even though they say it's the bitter you taste way back down almost down your throat that's how far back it is. And you press and maybe at first it gives a little bit, the grape, because it's juicy and liquid inside and moveable, but then you press some more and it gets taut and really it's quite difficult now to press anymore. And so you keep on pushing with your tongue and but now it's awkward because it's hard to get a good angle with enough leverage to like really push on it and so you open your lips a little bit and are breathing sort of haggard through your teeth but you don't want to part your teeth because then maybe the grape will come flying out like a cannonball what with all the pressure your tongue's exerting on it and all. And so you strain a little bit and kind of squint your eyes and clench your fists and you feel it in your stomach even and it's a little bit sickening but then so you give it a final push and you are just starting to worry like maybe you're going to do a big fart or worse and but then it gives way and the flesh ruptures the skin and your mouth fills with sweet sticky juices and translucent chewy flesh and it runs all down your tongue and down your throat. And so you see, son, that's joy's grape.

The Toast

A toast, sons and daughters, a toast. I’m head of this family and as such I’d like to share some thoughts with y’all. The young cannonball there, little Gene, comes up to me this afternoon and asks, what does joy mean, grandad? Well, I been pondering ever since and now I’m ready to tell.

Joy, people, is cracking open a bottle of good liquor and drinking it down as God intended without waste of water. Joy is goosing that sucker from top to bottom before falling out on the street and into the arms of the first woman you can afford, and let me tell you that when you’re as old and drunk and repulsive as I like to consider myself to be, that woman ain’t cheap.

Joy is losing the right woman, then going out and finding a wrong one every damn day instead. Joy is not caring one bit where that woman is or who she’s with or if she’s dead or alive because you’ve got everything she wants and there ain’t no way she’s ever coming back and asking for it. It don’t matter if you can’t stand to look in your children’s faces, or if you wake up every night crying; just so long as you’ve won.

Let me tell y’all that that, that, is what Joy is. Knowing that someone tore your heart out to make you sorry, then finding you’ve got no sorrow left. No sorrow, no love, no inhibitions, nothing. Except for hatred, ain’t nothing stronger than that. And that knowledge brings me Joy.

So here’s to Gigantic Gerry, good luck to you son.

And here’s to Joy, and to life at the bottom.

Untimely Stimulus #5

This week, a special guest.

Stimulus #5 has been supplied by my good friend Adam Hallows. I have known him for a number of years, he attended part of my wedding, and he once punched me in the mouth. A good man. A special creature. A friend of Untimely. This quote is from his brain.

"What does joy mean, grandad?"

Retort.