Untimely #8 - THE TRUNK or GOGOL GAGA

“Did I ever tell you about my cousin, the circus chap, goes by the name of Major Kovalyov?”

“Actually no Nikolai, my dear fellow, you did not. What’s so hot about this cousin anyhow?”

“Please, my dearest Denniski Paulovich, don’t get your wind up about it; ‘tis nothing but a trifle of a tale which I felt might amuse you, but if you’d rather I didn’t…”

“I am sorry good sir, you must forgive me; I’ve a touch of the gas today and as you know this puts me in the very foulest of tempers. I beg you, continue with your yarn.”

“Very well. It so happens that my cousin, the Major, who is a relatively well respected Circus Elephant, awoke one morning some weeks back to find himself in something of a pickle. His trunk, you see, had quite simply vanished into thin air, leaving him with nought but a smooth, flat surface between two tusks. Very un-gentlemanly indeed.”

“Indeed!”

“Indeed. Though ashamed to be seen in public, not to mention terrified of losing his job, as are we all, there was nothing for the poor fellow to do but wrap a large scarf around his face and go off in search of the dastardly thing. Thus attired, he could claim to have a severe cold should anyone stop him, thereby avoiding upsetting anyone with his face, now so freakishly bereft of trunk.”

“Quite.”

“Quite. So off he blunders, straight in the direction of the Ringmaster, hoping to enlist his assistance in the search, when who should he spy but the very trunk which had fled him in the night! Furthermore, the blasted proboscis is trying to pass itself off as a snake in the hope of securing employment with the circus under its own steam!”

“Well I never.”

“And neither would I. Fortunately the ringmaster must have seen through the trunk’s elaborate ruse and turned it away because, after spending much of the day and night searching for the brutish protuberance, whipping himself almost to the point of frenzy, Major Kovalyov awoke the following morning to find the wicked thing right smack bang on his face again! The poor fellow was so relieved he almost wept. He actually went on to give the three best performances of his career that day, and has since been sent a number of very promising job offers for next season.”

“That is super! But still, and do not take me as being ungrateful that you shared this ridiculous story with me dearest Nikolai, but it is just that, isn’t it? Ridiculous?”

“Why of course it is, beloved Denniski, of course it is. Nevertheless these things do happen, and I believe it important to not to lose sight of such ridiculousness.”

“How true, my friend. How absolutely perfect.”